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Wild, Wild Quest is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.


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WorkJuice Players

Guest Stars


The Red Plains Rider is now ready to undergo the Martian trials of maturation she had previously asked Sparks and Croach to assist her with in La Venganza de Los Bandititos. She meets them on the edge of the Forest of Tak’slaw (which translates to "Scary Forest") to begin her Hee-Ros K’west. The forest is full of danger.

After Sparks and Croach argue over the name of the forest and how scary it is, Red asks the men to just witness her enacting the trials instead of actually doing anything to help. A monster then appears out of the forest, which Sparks shoots. Croach and Red angrily tell Sparks that was the Yarnato, and Red was to subdue it, and then it would have guided them through the forest, as it had for many generations. Red insists that Sparks stop doing things, while Croach offers to be her guide.

They move farther into the forest, where Sparks shoos away some mosquitoes with his hat. Croach and Red yell at Sparks, explaining those were attack nanites that Red was supposed to deal with. Red tells Sparks to keep his guns holstered and hat on his head. Sparks puts his hands in his pockets to keep out of trouble, but instead defeats yet another trial for Red, as assuming a submissive posture was the key to defeating the new challenge, a Motovian DreadBird.

Sparks then asks if he should stop being a witness, as he has inadvertently been just wrecking tests. Croach explains that the next challenge was a moment of reflection of the trials thus far, and Sparks just did that as well.

Thirty two giant spiders then descend from the trees, and Croach says that the spiders are not a part of the ritual. Sparks draws his guns and shoots all of them, then Croach says that Red could have gotten extra credit for killing the spiders, as all hostile creatures count. Red and Croach say that Sparks is the worst witness since Tr’tht the Easily Distracted.

Croach says that they are now at the edge of the Apotheosis Springs. Red must go in alone, inhale the Karpagian Mists, and combat a projection of that she fears the most. If she survives that combat the springs will judge whether or not she succeeded in her trials and grant her their gifts, or if she failed and they will not. After she re-emerges, the witness will determine whether she has succeeded in her trials or not.

Red heads into the springs. Sparks and Croach talk about what Red might face in there, and Sparks bets that a lot of people fight themselves, as he thinks he would. Croach mentions that Krathok the Self-Loathing fought himself, but thinks Sparks would face the embodiment of the concept of commitment. The two are both then captured in a web and pulled up into the trees above.

Another giant spider emerges, and reveals himself to be Kevin, who Sparks had previously encountered in She Blinded Me with Technology after Sparks had killed Kevin's parents in Spiders, Man. Even though animals have ceased speaking after the radiation that had granted them the power of speech dissipated, Kevin "remembered how" and retained the ability. Kevin explains that after he didn't kill Sparks in his blood oath, he'd been watching Sparks. Sparks says that it was only actually like two days that Kevin watched him, which he saw, as Kevin is ten feet tall.

Kevin explains that now he's in his final stage of development, he met someone. Jindlefer Lynchtree arrives, and reminds Sparks how he almost arrested the entire family when they shot Croach in Inside Out In Outer Space. Jindlefer says that some of their family took it as a reason to hate martians more, but Jindlefer instead opened her heart to any-looking type individual who might deserve her heart. When Kevin and Jindlefer met, they fell in love and are now engaged. They'd come to the forest to meet Kevin's extended family, all thirty two of them. Who Sparks had just killed. Thus Sparks and Croach now being webbed.

Just as Kevin is about to kill Sparks and Croach, Raythum Lynchtree arrives to attempt to stop Jindlefer from marrying Kevin and stop any human suffering (though he doesn't care what happens to Croach.) Raythum has robot hands after a thresher accident took his, but he programmed his hands to be really nasty and he can't really control them. He draws on Kevin and threatens to shoot him into little bits for wanting to marry Jindlefer. Sparks tells Raythum not to kill Kevin, or else he'll be arrested, but Raythum doesn't want to listen. Croach says he can excrete an excretion to free them from the web, but Sparks says not to do so.

Red then emerges from the Karpagian Mists, speaking of the fractals she just witnessed. She inadvertently stands between Raythum and Kevin, and becomes upset when she realizes what's going on is taking precedence over what she just went through after Sparks upstaged her all day. Red says she's been judged, and she needs a verdict, ordering Sparks to bear witness. Sparks again tries to get Raythum to holster his guns. Red offers to take care of Raythum, but his robot hands shoot Red before she can draw, and Red falls.

Croach then excretes the solution to lubricate the web and get himself and Sparks down. It is gross.

Raythum says that shooting Red wasn't his fault, as he can't control his robot hands. Sparks shoots the hands off, and says it doesn't make up for shooting Red. Red, however, is sound, as the Nah Nohtek that now resides within her worked, and heals her back up, despite it being the most painful pain Red has experienced.

Kevin realizes that Sparks saved his life a second time, so again he owes Sparks his life while also owing Sparks bloody vengeance. He hopes to never cross paths with Sparks again. Jindlefer tells Raythum to tell the rest of the Lynchtrees that she's still going to marry Kevin and hopes they'll RSVP their dinner choice to the wedding.

Raythum begs not to be taken to jail, but Sparks doesn't relent, as he shot Red and she doesn't accept his apology and hauls him to jail. Croach and Sparks congratulate Red, and she thanks them for being there and for Sparks bearing witness. They decide their onuses for the day are equal.


  • Although the RSS feed says Vangsness plays Jilm, the character confirms in the episode that she's Jindlefer. Also, Vangsness played Jindlefer in Inside Out In Outer Space (TAH #2).
  • This episode was also performed at Town Hall on May 10th, 2014, with the following cast:



This episode was recorded at Largo on June 14th, 2014 and released on August 11th, 2014.