When Cthulu Cthalls is an episode of Beyond Belief.
Audio[]
Patreon exclusive.
Cast[]
WorkJuice Players[]
Guest Stars[]
- Donna Henderson - Janet Varney
- K.C. (Kevin Caleb) Corker - Timothy Omundson
- Margie Corker - Maggie Lawson
- The Old One - Jim O'Heir
Plot[]
Frank and Sadie are visiting Donna Henderson at her Park Avenue apartment, having drinks and keeping her company while Dave is working on a big case.
There's a knock at the door, and K.C. and Margie Corker enter. They inquire if Donna and the Doyles have put any thought into the afterlife. You know, fire and Brimstone and Water and Nutmeg? Despite several attempts to eject the Corkers, they stay and continue to prepare Donna and the Doyles for "what's coming", the end of the world.
The Corkers announce that the Old Ones are being reawakened, and the oldest Old Ones will be inhabiting Donna and Dave's daughter, as she is the best vessel, having come from the most unholy union. The Corkers show the Doyles their literature, a book made with a cover of human flesh. Donna cannot thrall the Corkers, as their faith is too strong.
The Corkers say the moon will go out, the ocean will scream, birds will die, cats will bark, and everyone present will be ripped asunder. The Doyles are not able to stop the ritual from being performed as it's being enacted in 5 houses around town, forming a pentagram, and Donna's home is at the center of the pentagram.
After a small delay, the rite is finished, and the Oldest Old One arrives. He tells the Corkers that a lot of the old ones have passed on of old age, while some have retired, so he's the only one that came. The Old One says he just doesn't have "it" anymore, and the Corkers give him an inspiring pep talk. Donna reminds the Old One that fitting into a baby is going to be a tight squeeze and destroying the world is a lot of work.
The Old One is torn, and welcomes the debate and other opinions. He asks Frank and Sadie their opinions, as they aren't related to the baby. The Old One calls K.C. a tattletale and starts to dislike him. Frank and Sadie note that nobody went insane when they saw him, and maybe something could go wrong when inhabiting the baby. They suggest giving inhabiting a practice run and to pop into something else. Sadie suggests a few items, and the Old One chooses to climb inside a nearby lamp, to practice.
He gets into the lamp, despite it being cramped. Before he can get out of the lamp, Sadie turns it off. She has Donna unplug it, label it and store it in the attic to be never turned on or plugged in again, trapping the Old One in the lamp forever. KC and Margie are devastated, and with their faith shaken, the Corkers are easily thralled by Donna, who drinks their blood as the episode ends.
Quotes[]
- Frank
- Is there some literature you could leave? Or maybe you could just leave?
--
- Frank
- Hello! Please don’t come in.
--
- Margie
- Have you given any thought to the big questions in life?
- Frank
- Bigger than what?
- Margie
- Than say, where your next drink is coming from?
- Frank
- I can’t think of any.
- Sadie
- Oh! Oh! I know the answer! From the next bottle!
--
- KC
- We really think it’s important that Mrs Henderson prepare herself for what’s next.
- Sadie
- Is what’s next the door closing with the two of you on the other side of it?
- KC
- Ha ha, gosh no!
--
- KC
- We’re preparing you, like we said, for what’s coming.
- Margie
- Yeah, what’s on its’ way now, probably.
- KC
- What’s on its’ way now definitely!
- Margie
- Yeah, no way around it!
- KC
- None whatsoever! And what’s on its’ way is coming, and its’ coming for all of us!
- Margie
- And it starts right here!
- Margie and KC, together
- Tonight!
- Sadie
- Oh, we couldn’t possibly tonight.
--
- Sadie
- You can call us Mr and Mrs Doyle.
- Frank
- As in “goodbye Mr and Mrs Doyle, sorry to bother you during dinner!”
- Sadie
- Or, “another refill on your dinner Mr Doyle?”
- Frank
- As in “so long as you’re having another course as well, Mrs Doyle.”
- Sadie
- As in, “who says Mrs Doyle is having just one more Mr Doyle?”
--
- Frank
- Now, is it me, and it probably is, and please don’t take any offence, but is the cover of that book made of human flesh?
- Margie
- It is, yes! And no offence taken!
--
- Frank
- Sorry Donna, I don’t want to speak for you, did you want your child to become a vessel for an ancient evil?
- Donna
- No, yeah, pass.
--
- Old One
- Well, what do you have to say?
- Frank
- Me?
- Old One
- I like you, you’ve got charisma
- Frank
- Oh, I don’t know … Sure, yes I do.
- Old One
- [laughs] See, you make me laugh!
- Franks
- And of course you’ve met my wife.
- Sadie
- Sadie Doyle, charmed, thirsty, not in that order.
--
- Frank
- Listen, Old One, we tremble at your power –
- Old One
- Do you? Oh, I don’t see too good.
Notes[]
- Clink count: 4
Continuity[]
- This is the 153rd episode of the Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The prior episode is Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars - Moonfaker.
- The next episode is The Cross-Time Adventures of Colonel Tick-Tock - Horse Play.
- The prior episode in Beyond Belief canon is Basil's Day (TAH #149).
- The next episode in Beyond Belief canon is Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Corpse (TAH #156).
Production[]
This episode was recorded at Largo on September 7, 2013 and released on February 17, 2014.
- Writers: Ben Acker and Ben Blacker
- Director: Aaron Ginsburg
- Music: Andy Paley and the Andy Paley Orchestra