Werewolf of Wall Street is an episode of Beyond Belief.
The episode opens with married mediums Wade and Aubrey Crespo, the toast of the upper crust, headliners on the society pages, in their penthouse apartment. The two of them admire their apartment, the apartment that is definitely theirs and belongs to them, when they are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Frank Doyle, their liquor delivery
boy man, and he needs their help - there's a werewolf threatening him and since the Crespos are experts in supernatural matters he's come to them for protection.
They offer Frank a drink to settle his nerves and he initially refuses since he might get in trouble with his boss, but eventually accepts. Frank clinks glasses with Wade, who is upset by it. The liquor reminds Frank of something, but he's unsure of what exactly that thing might be.
Frank explains his situation with the werewolf: 26 days ago one came up to him in the street and threatened to kill him if Frank didn't give him what he was after. The problem is, Frank doesn't know what the werewolf is after.
There's another knock at the door, but it's not the werewolf - it's Sadie Knickerhouse, Frank's supervisor. She's come to chastise Frank for leaving the Crespos' crate of liquor downstairs instead of bringing it up to the apartment as he was supposed to. Frank explains his current situation, and Sadie mocks the idea that the Crespos could offer any form of protection against werewolves, even if she believed such things existed.
Wade suggests that they try to figure out what the werewolf wants from Frank to help him, and Sadie decides to fix herself a drink. Aubrey takes offense to Sadie fixing herself a drink with the Crespos' alcohol, but Sadie is unconcerned (Sadie clinks glasses with Aubrey, which annoys her further).
Franks asks Sadie if she has delivered to the Crespos before, as she seems very familiar with the layout of their liquor cabinet, but Sadie says she hasn't. Wade strenuously tries to change the topic, but ends up getting Frank and Sadie to reflect on what they have - their jobs as a delivery man and delivery man supervisor.
Frank and Sadie clink glasses to celebrate, and have a strange feeling. Before they can examine what it might mean, they are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Keller, the werewolf who threatened Frank, and he's brought up the case of liquor. Keller passes it off to Wade, who sets it down at Sadie's request.
Aubrey is annoyed that Sadie is ordering her husband around in her own apartment. Sadie insists that she was only doing her job as supervisor, and then ponders why it feels strange to say that she has a job. Frank agrees that it sounds strange, but isn't sure why.
Wade says that the reason they feel strange about things is because of the werewolf threatening Frank. Keller introduces himself, and says that if Frank gives him the book, he might let him live (probably not though). Frank isn't sure what book he means, and in looking around for a book Frank and Sadie realize that the bookshelves are full of liquor bottles, not books.
Wade and Aubrey insist that Keller can't kill someone in their apartment, and suggest that he and Frank go downstairs instead. Keller threatens the others, and insists they hand over the book. Frank says that he can't give Keller the book because he doesn't have it, in fact, he doesn't have anything of value except for an insane crush on his supervisor, Sadie.
Keller sniffs him to see if he's telling the truth (he is), and says that he smells as if he's a completely different person that the last time Keller saw and smelt him at the auction house. Frank says that it couldn't have been him, because he's never been to an auction house. Sadie remembers sending him to the auction house with various pointless liquors 26 days previously.
Wade interjects, saying that they should stake Keller before he attacks them. Frank thanks him, but Sadie tells them that staking a werewolf wouldn't work, and then wonders how she knows that. Aubrey asks her is she knows how you do kill a werewolf, and Sadie tells her (bullets made of silver, gold, platinum, and diamond, shot in that order).
Aubrey tells Sadie that she knows a lot about werewolves for liquor delivery supervisor, and Sadie says that the only explanation must be that she must be a werewolf. Keller says that she's not (he'd be able to smell it). Frank tells her to think back to "about a month ago" to see if she remembers transforming into anything. Sadie doesn't remember whether she did or not.
Annoyed that they seem to be ignoring him, Keller asks if he's been turned into an invisible man. Sadie says that they'd still be able to hear each other even if that was the case and that he'd be blind, and then wonders how she knows that. Aubrey suggests that Sadie knows that because she was bitten by an invisible man. Frank says that's not how invisible men work, and then wonders how he knows that.
Keller feels his transformation coming on, and threatens to "suck [Frank's] skull" if Frank doesn't give him the book. Sadie defends Frank, which gives them both the same strange feeling they had before when they clinked glasses. Sadie says the reason must be the same reason that she knows that in the bedroom are guns loaded with the bullets needed to kill a werewolf.
After a brief, tense stand-off, Keller decides to leave before they can get the guns. Frank thanks Sadie for saving him, and tells her that she's the best ... boss that he could ever wish for. The mention of wishing makes Wade extremely nervous, and Frank and Sadie tell him to calm down, and ask Keller to tell them about the book he was looking for.
Keller says that Frank outbid him at an auction for a book of the short story The Monkey's Paw, which Keller was going to use to become richer. This was no ordinary book for, like the magical monkey's paw the short story was about, the book could also grant three wishes, at a an enormous price. Wade insists that he's never heard of the book, but Frank is skeptical.
Frank asks Wade is the book might be the reason that he and Sadie seem to have a strange feeling and no recollection of anything before 26 ago. Aubrey finds the book, just as Keller's transformation begins. Sadie and Frank both suspect that this is in fact their apartment (backed up by some mail addressed to Frank), and Sadie threatens to shoot him.
Wade admits that he stole Frank's book. Wade was delivering their liquor and Sadie showed him about Frank's latest auction purchase - a cursed copy of The Monkey's Paw. Wade held it, and wished to have the lives the Doyles had, causing them to switch places. Aubrey is touched that Wade wished for a better life for the two of them, until Wade tells her that, in reality they're not actually married (in fact, they've barely met - Aubrey works at the cafe near from the liquor store and Wade has a crush on her).
Sadie says that with the one wish Wade has left, he should wish to set things right and return things the the way they were before he made his first wish. Wade hesitates, not wanting to pay the enormous price that the third wish entails. Keller threatens to take the book and kill all of them, and begins transforming. Wade quickly makes his third wish to return reality to how it was before his wish.
Reality shifts back, and Frank and Sadie are drinking in their apartment when they're interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Keller, who's there to steal the book from Frank. Wade appears, and tells Keller about the guns the Doyles keep in their bedroom, and Keller quickly retreats.
Wade asks if the Doyles want to know how he knows about their guns, but they tell him they don't, quickly getting him out of their apartment as Wade ponders his price. Sadie says she hates it when people remember their wish, and Frank agrees.
- Clink count: 6 (and 3 spoken)
- High Five count: 3
- The book The Monkey's Paw is the item Frank was going to bid on in The Deceased Charm of the Bourgeoisie.
- Frank and Sadie learned the method to kill a werewolf from Dave Henderson in A Dave at the Races.
- Sadie and Frank of course encountered real Invisible Men in The Bloodsucker Proxy.
- Continuing the confusion about Sadie's name prior to marrying Frank, the episode introduces her as Sadie Knickerhouse while the episode descriptions on Nerdist, libsyn and the WorkJuice tumblr say it's Sadie Parker.
- Keller does a werewolf-style version of the "greed is good" speech from Wall Street (1987).
- The episode's title is a reference to The Wolf of Wall Street.
Wade: You know what's weird? Everything!
Aubrey: Everything but you and me babe!
Wade: He's out liquor delivery boy.
Frank: [heavy sigh] I'm a liquor delivery man, thank you.
Aubrey: I'm sorry, that was meant to demean you somewhat, was that unclear?
Frank: Totally understandable, privilege of class.
Frank: Well, I've had a good life, probably.
Sadie: Frank you're doomed. And I'm going to have to find a new delivery man.
Frank: Well Sadie I'm sorry to put you in this ... position.
Aubrey: Yeah, I always say it's better not to think very much at all about what's going on.
[Frank and Sadie clink glasses]
Sadie: Did you feel ...that?
Frank: I felt something, yes.
Keller: Werewolves, the kind I am, get what we want. And I want what you have.
Frank: Pal, if I were you I'd have my envy checked by a physician. I'm a liquor delivery man.
Wade and Aubrey, together: Boy!
Frank: Man! A man who would kill for a place like this! That I would keep tidier. I live paycheck to paycheck, this is my nicest outfit and there is denim involved! The only thing I feel I truly have that's mine that's of any value whatsoever is an insane crush on my boss.
Sadie: Oh Frank.
Frank: No, I really do, she's amazing.
Keller: You guys might want to put me in chains or something soon.
Aubrey and Sadie, together: There are some in the bedroom.
Keller: You're bluffing.
Sadie: Bluffing is for those less capable than I.
[tense musical interlude]
Keller: I wasn't even in it, you got me lady.
Frank: Sadie is there something I should know about this fellow's knowledge of our bedroom?
Sadie: I don't know Frank, is there?
- This is the 183rd episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The previous episode is Amelia Earhart, Fearless Flyer - Democratic Unconventions.
- The next episode is Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars - The Once and Future Thing, with the special bonus episode The Great Thrilling Adventure Hour / Welcome to Night Vale Crossover released in between.
- The previous episode in Beyond Belief canon is Jones On Third (TAH #178), with "Variant A" of The Bloodsucker Proxy (TAH #172) released in between as episode #179.
- The next episode in Beyond Belief canon is Scream a Little Scream (TAH #189).
This episode was recorded at Largo on September 6, 2014 and released on September 29, 2014.