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The Metaphysical Seven is an M Bar era episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars released on The Thrilling Adventure Hour Treasury.


Episode audio at Megaphone


WorkJuice Players

Guest Stars

  • Asteroid Annie - Becky Thyre


Previously, Sparks, Croach and Red had been looking for a way to stop the Haley's Comet Gang, and spoke to the first marshal, who said that the gang cannot be beaten.

Although the previous marshal said the gang was unstoppable, Sparks is still determined and asks if Croach and Red are still in. Croach agrees as he is under onus to Sparks for helping rescue a youngling from his tribe. Doctor Scientist agrees to help, though he is not a warrior he can record the events while they happen. Red tells Sparks she hopes Sparks doesn't get himself killed. Croach and Sparks bicker over why Red said that, and if she still has feelings for either of them, with the interference of Doctor Scientist.

The Gang, tired of listening to the group's conversation, heads towards the Old Mission for the showdown. Doctor Scientist points out that the Preacher lives there, though Croach points out that the Preacher agitates the fear and hostility towards the martain people. Sparks notes that this is why he's banned from preaching and lives at the Old Mission.

At the Old Mission, Red continues to insist she doesn't have feelings for Sparks as Asteroid Annie threatens to continue her gang's swath of destruction. The Preacher arrives and questions them, but Asteroid Annie and the gang form the giant robot - El Gigante. Sparks asks Doctor Scientist to fire his inside-out inversifier gun at the robot, but Doc Scientist is unsure it will work, as he's never fired his gun before, he's just an intern. Sparks asks Croach if he can take down the robot, but Croach doubts his techno arrows will be enough.

Red has disappeared to lead the Preacher to safety, but the gang punches at them in the building they've hid in, and barely manage to jump for safety, which causes a lot of sarcasm. The gang decides to head to martian territory, which concerns Croach greatly. The Preacher is upset his mission is destroyed, and decides to join the group with his rifle / fiddle, Penelople.

The entire group heads to martian territory. The camp is also destroyed, and Sparks promises Croach they'll get payback. Piston Pete then appears and says he's the one who destroyed the martian camp. Pete, however, has shot all the ammo out of his guns. Pete says the Haley's Comet gang is the toughest gang he's ever heard of, and is there to help Sparks kill the gang, so that he can have Sparks all to himself to kill. He also destroyed the camp so that the gang couldn't destroy the camp. Sparks realizes that the only place for the gang to go now is town.

Croach says he won't accompany the group, as his people are gone and his people's two greatest hopes are that men and robots will destroy each other. It's the will of the tribe that Sparks not interfere in this. Sparks suspects that Croach doesn't want to leave because of Red, but Croach insists that it's not. Red tells Croach that even if it's the will of the tribe it's still not right. Everyone else affirms that they'll be going with Sparks, except Red who thinks the fight is hopeless, wishes Sparks luck and kisses him. Sparks leaves with Doctor Scientist, Piston Pete, Preacher, and Penelope.

Pete asks Doctor Scientist how he's enjoying riding with Sparks along the way. Doc says he's enjoying the adventure, and secretly hopes to become a hero himself. They arrive at Hope's Eye and see the gang is currently separated from being El Gigante and destroying the town bit by bit. Sparks tells the gang to get off his planet, and today, he's not from Earth, home is where you hang your hat.

Doctor Scientist isn't able to shoot the inversifier before it's knocked from his hand. Preacher's fiddling doesn't work, but he uses Penelope to knock a robot in the head. Pete quickly runs out of laser bullets again. Preacher says Penelope then sees someone riding at them. Croach arrives with the remaining members of the tribe, saying they'd be under onus to the humans if he let them die, so they decided to come and help, placing Sparks under onus to them.

The Gang re-forms El Gigante again, but the legs aren't able to join, as the martains and townsfolk have joined together to hold down the robots who form the legs, making the rest of the giant robot collapse.

Asteroid Annie threatens to shoot Sparks, but before she can, Red arrives with the first marshal, who shoots the gun out of Annie's hand. The old marshal shoots Annie with a cosmic canon, and Red knocks her out with a punch.

Pete then grabs the Inversifier, and shoots Sparks with it, before Croach can jump in front of the beam, turning him inside-out.


  • This M Bar episode was later modified, with the basic plot made into podcast canon episode Blast from the Past.
  • Folksy Hal calls the next episode "Nah nohtek...nical Difficulties."
  • The first marshal isn't named in this episode, but would later be called Simon Pure.



This episode was recorded at M Bar in August, 2005 and released on July 22, 2019.