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The Hobo Princess is an episode of Down in Moonshine Holler.


Patreon exclusive.


WorkJuice Players

Guest Stars


Banjo and Gummy head south-a-ways to find the Hobo Princess, then jump off the train they caught. Gummy says this is the end of the line, causing Banjo to wonder if he's close to finding the Hobo Princess. A crying woman stands nearby, and Banjo asks her to try on the fingerless glove. It does not fit, as her hands are too bloated. She says she's weeping because her chickens are barren. Gummy recognizes her as Minerva, and introduces her to Banjo as his long-lost daughter, who he found. Gummy says any noteworthy hobo has progeny he doesn't know scattered about the land.

Minerva notes that she's cursed by wanderlust, but for now, she's vexed because the hens refuse to lay because she won't have eggs for Mr. Bottfly and his egg tax. Bottfly arrives, and says he's going to take the farm since there's no eggs. A limosuine pulls up, and a woman arrives, who recognizes Banjo as Jasper Manorlodge. She introduces herself as Loretta Budett, and then Banjo recognizes her -- this is The Hobo Princess.

Before Jasper can celebrate, Gummy is shocked to hear that Banjo has known The Hobo Princess' name the whole time, and never said it.

Minerva asks Gummy if he's also a secret millionare and can save the farm, but Gummy says he's derelict as any other hobo, including Mrs. Grandma, Minerva's mother.

Banjo asks Loretta how he managed to find her, as he's been travelling to find her so long. Banjo explains how Gummy has been his hobo mentor. Loretta explains how she's been looking for him ever since she snuck into the millionare's ball to forage for lettuce to eat and curtains to wear. She called herself Lucitanzia Fancington Waldorf Astoria. She found Remington to take her under his wing, as she reminded him of his daughter, Fifi. Remington used to be a chauffeur for a pie magnet, and knew enough of high society to help Loretta pass.

Banjo is near to putting on the fingerless glove, but three gentlemen arrive and stop them. They say they have followed Loretta hither and yon in pursuit of her, as they're all in love with her. Loretta says all she ever did was help and solve their problems while in pursuit of Banjo. Minerva says that Loretta could help her as well, but Bottfly says she should help him. Loretta says she never meant for these men to fall in love with her, she only meant to help. Banjo tells her that she could not help but help -- that is The Hobo Way. Gummy says Banjo finally described the Hobo Way the right way.

Banjo says that Loretta owes these men nothing, and they should leave and ride the rails together.

Three women arrive, Drozy, Grenadine and Godiva, all of whom Banjo has helped before and are now in love with him. They followed his trail, met up with each other, and became hobos as well. Two men whom Gummy recognizes, Mr. Pumpernickel and Dad Madison arrive, and say that as the women helped them as they looked for Banjo, they fell in love with the ladies.

Banjo says that there are many sticks in the bindle here, and all need addressing. He says while he was traveling, he acquired empathy for rich and poor alike, and the only other in his position is Loretta. He slides the fingerless glove onto her hand, and both are happy to see that it fits. The ladies ask what about them, and Gummy tells them to pair off, and includes himself in the availables. The gentemen ask what about them, that are in love with Loretta. Banjo tells them that she is meant only for him, and he is meant only for her. There is a hobo princess or prince for each of them, but they must go out in search for them. Those assembled instead pick partners amongst each other, and leave.

Minerva notes that she does still have a problem, and Banjo tells her to consider her hands, and how they look much like the clever hands of her father. He notes that since it's her large-footed clomping (also a family trait) that scares the chickens not to lay, she use her clever hands to build a contraption which would collect all the eggs the hens lay into one basket. Minerva says she could do that.

Gummy tells Banjo that since he found her Hobo Princess, Gummy will stay here with Minerva, as he missed her growing up, but he could help her invent the chicken basket and watch her grow rich.

Banjo agrees, and gives Gummy a heartfelt thank you for all his aid on his quest.

Banjo asks Loretta if they should leave together, but Loretta says no, she's forgotten herself and how to be a Hobo Princess after spending so long in high society. Banjo says he and Loretta will then ride the rails together in pursuit of the Hobo Princess she once was. She agrees, and kisses his sooty cheek.

A train whistle is heard in the distance, but Gummy doesn't allow Banjo and Loretta to leave until everyone returns to sing one last jamboree together. They sing "The Hobo Way".




This episode was recorded at Largo on April 11, 2015 and released on August 3, 2015.