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Stolen Kisses is the first podcasted episode of The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam.


Patreon exclusive.


Workjuice Players

Guest Stars


Captain Laserbeam is selling magazines door-to-door to raise money for a camping trip for some underprivledged youths when he hears the Adventurekateer Distress Signal. He flies to the Adventurekateer Clubhouse, where Darren and Libby are waiting. Darren suspects Foxy Burlesque is back in town; he and his sister's babysitter had a man over to the house--and then a hundred more men, too--and they all called the babysitter Foxy Burlesque, so that's how he knows. Laserbeam, after a round of circuitous questioning from four-year-old Libby, jets off to fight her.

Meanwhile, Foxy Burlesque is failing to assuage the romantic concerns of her ersatz army of smitten fellows. When they tell her--through spokesman Marco--that they are worried that she doesn't love them as much as they love her, she simply turns up her charisma and makes them forget.

Captain Laserbeam appears upon the scene and Foxy sics her gentlemen friends on him. Not wishing to harm them overly, he incapacitates them all with reduced-power Laser Punches and Laser Kicks. During this distraction, Foxy focuses her charms on Laserbeam and sends him head-over-heels in love with her, though not for long. He summons enough willpower-based feedback from the memories of Libby and Darren to disrupt not only her sway on him, but all the fellows under her love spell. He Freeze Lasers her, then calls the police, requesting that they send female officers.

Character Mentions




Unoffical Transcript by captainlaserbeamtranscripts



This episode was recorded on January 22, 2011 at the Marines Memorial Theater as part of SF Sketchfest in San Francisco, California. It was released on February 20, 2011.