Sheriff on Mars is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.
- Sparks Nevada - Marc Evan Jackson
- Croach the Tracker - Mark Gagliardi
- Barkeep - Joshua Malina
- Felton - Craig Cackowski
- Folksy Hal (narrator) - Hal Lublin
- Colton Wynant, a tycoon - Barry Corbin
- Trigger Happy J.A.C.K., an automaton - Jeremy Carter
- The Widow Johnson - Shannon Woodward
- Bill Clover - Scott Adsit
- Thanxley - Mark McConville
Having promised The Red Plains Rider that he and Croach would help her with her B’at-mit zvah, the Martian rite of passage, Sparks and Croach are preparing to leave town to meet with Red. The Barkeep forbids them to leave, for two reasons.
First, because he possesses The Force Galactic, though his wife won't allow him to use it in town. Second, the Barkeep is now the Mayor of Mars. Sparks and Croach are surprised to hear the Barkeep is the mayor, but the Barkeep reminds them that things happen even when Sparks and Croach aren't around it see it happen. The Barkeep says he ran on a very specific platform -- no trouble in the town, and if the only two lawmen in town leave, there could be trouble.
In the span of a few seconds, the Barkeep transports himself to a far-away moon (since he cannot use his powers in the town), creates three copies of himself and after talking it out with himself, comes up with a plan. He goes into the past and makes the arrangements from the plan.
Mr. Colton Wynant, a tycoon who manufactures automatons, arrives, as a part of the quick-draw competition Barkeep just arranged in the past. The Barkeep arranged for several humans to participate in the competition, as well as Wynant as a representative of the Mars-Earth Coalition and the creator of Trigger Happy J.A.C.K., who was manufactured to quick-draw and measure reaction time.
Croach mentions that one name is missing from the invitation list, and leaves to correct the oversight, inadvertently giving away that he intends to arrive in disguise to the competition.
An hour later, the quick-draw competition is about to begin. Felton arrives, saying that he saw the invitation in The Widow Johnson's mail. Wendy "The Widow" Johnson arrives, and Wynant attempts to charm her, raising jealousy in Felton. Felton asks to enter the contest to prove his worth to The Widow Johnson. The Barkeep says he invited The Widow Johnson to participate as he thinks she might be a natural, though she'd never used a gun before.
Croach arrives, wearing a full-body burlap poncho, a handkerchief over his face and a large hat, and says he, Charles the Human, was invited by his friend, the handsome Croach the Tracker, to participate in the competition. Sparks, while not fooled, plays along, despite pointing out that Charles' antennae are poking out of his hat.
Bill Clover, of Clover Casket and Coffin, is the last to arrive. After everyone greets him, Sparks notes that Bill is noted to be the fastest draw in town, though Bill says he's a coward at heart. Sparks says that everyone has a hero in them somewhere.
Wynant activates Trigger Happy J.A.C.K., who is anxious to start the competition. The automaton immediately shoots nearly everyone's guns out of their hands, and lassos Sparks. Wynant says he can handle the automaton, as he programmed him to actually be a mechanical sheriff without sticky emotions, or social entanglements. The Barkeep objects, saying that tricking people is a bad way to demonstrate the new automaton. Clover objects that tricking him into the competition isn't fair either, while Sparks says they would have told him why he was there eventually. Trigger Happy J.A.C.K. says that this will be fun, for him, and lassos Croach, who wonders if this is the end for Charles the Human.
Felton tells The Widow Johnson he's going to save the day in order to prove his bravery and shoots at J.A.C.K., but J.A.C.K.'s forcefields save him. Just as J.A.C.K. is about to hurt Felton, The Widow Johnson grabs a gun from the ground and tries to shoot J.A.C.K., but instead accidentally shoots Felton several times.
Wynant wonders what happened to J.A.C.K.'s programming, and Thanxley arrives to claim responsibility. He says that even though Wynant claims to love him like his actual son, Jeremy, Wynant doesn't give him enough credit. He reprogrammed J.A.C.K. to learn in order to prove he can show initiative and so that Wynant's company can sell more than just automatons. J.A.C.K. shoots and kills Thanxley, who tells Sparks that J.A.C.K.'s weakness is its CPU isn't shielded just before he dies.
Sparks asks Barkeep to just disintegrate J.A.C.K. with the Force Galactic, but the Barkeep refuses as they're in town. J.A.C.K. says he wants to showdown with Bill Clover. Clover overcomes his cowardice in order to outdraw J.A.C.K. and save the day. Sparks declares Clover the new Sheriff of town.
Wynant says he learned an important lesson, not to trust Thanxley, though he's dead so it doesn't matter. "Charles" departs, still believing he fooled all of the humans into believing he was also human. The Widow Johnson attempts to keep Felton, still bleeding, from dying, and laments that she's already a widow once over, but Felton dies anyway. Just as Folksy Hal narrates that this may be the end of Felton, the Barkeep interrupts him, asks everyone not to tell his wife, and resurrects Felton.
- This episode was part of the Thrilling Adventure Hour's 9th anniversary show.
- Mark Gagliardi reappeared on stage wearing a handkerchief over his face for the quick-draw competition as a disguise for Charles the Human.
- It was revealed in The Sad, Sad Song of The Widow Johnson, Part Four that Wendy had indeed used a gun before -- she shot the alien masquerading as her husband Mr. Johnson at point-blank range, and killed him.
- Jeremy Wynant, though still not yet seen in canon, has been referenced by several other robots in future episodes including The Great Thrilling Adventure Hour / Welcome to Night Vale Crossover.
- This is the 162nd episode of the Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The prior episode is The Thrilling Adventure Hour panel from Emerald City Comic-Con 2014.
- The next episode is The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam - Three Sides to Every Story.
- The prior episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is La Venganza de Los Bandititos (TAH #157).
- The next episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Emperor of Mars (TAH #166).
This episode was recorded on March 8, 2014 on Largo. It was released on April 21, 2014.
- Writers: Ben Acker and Ben Blacker
- Director: Aaron Ginsburg
- Music: Andy Paley and the Andy Paley Orchestra
- Sparks Nevada Theme: Eban Schletter
- Sound Effects: Cayenne Chris Conroy