Martian Orders is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.
- Sparks Nevada - Marc Evan Jackson
- Croach the Tracker - Mark Gagliardi
- Ginny West - Janet Varney
- Martian - Craig Cackowski
- Martian - Annie Savage
- Folksy Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
- Charlottey Shraw - Lauren Lapkus
Sparks, Croach, and Ginny make their way to a picnic to celebrate the improved relations between martians and humans, notably in the wake of Croach and Red's relationship.
Sparks tells Ginny he has a surprise for her, and makes her guess what the surprise is. Before Ginny can guess, the three arrive at the picnic, and Croach reminds them to behave appropriately, as they are his guests and the picnic is important to relations between their peoples, then leaves to talk to The Red Plains Rider.
Sparks shows Ginny his marshal of Earth badge, and reveals that he has accepted the job. Ginny is surprised, but before they can discuss it further, they are interrupted by two martins telling Sparks they used to be under onus to him for saving them from giant spiders as younglings, until Croach took on that onus with all of the tribe's onus. Ginny excuses herself to go speak to Harriet and Mordecai, but before she can leave, Croach announces it's time for the ceremony of The Time of Intimate Conversation.
A human woman passes out the ceremonial masks, and introduces herself as Charlottey Shraw. Sparks asks if he has to wear the mask, but Croach says he does, else he risks disrupting the tranquility. He asks he if looks ridiculous before attempting to speak to Ginny again, but The Time Of Intimate Conversation ends before he can speak, as he wasted all his time, and is scolded by Croach.
Charlottey returns and explains that she came to Mars to take a holosnaps of the martians when she decided to stay with them ten years ago, and is almost one of their tribe, but hasn't been asked yet. She uses long metaphors to insinuate she's upset about her status.
Sparks and Ginny return their conversation, but before they can get very far, the martians from earlier return. Ginny tells Sparks he's trying to have it all, her, everything on Mars and everything on Earth including the job, but Ginny is uncertain that they can sustain a long-distance relationship. Sparks asks the martians who are butting into their conversation to leave, but Croach says it's time for even more intimate conversation. He gathers everyone very close together, and says it's time for the humans to have private conversation while martians listen carefully. Sparks and Ginny try to object, but Croach insists, and then yells, that they must do this to not embarrass him in front of his progenitors and to not be placed under onus.
Charlottey hands another mask to the humans, which Sparks doesn't want to wear, but Croach insists that they do, loudly, and passes out a lot of onus. Sparks and Ginny relent, and with masks on and martians listening in, says that they might succeed in a long-distance relationship. Croach says that the humans must continue their conversation while balanced on one leg. Sparks complies after more yelling from Croach, and then the humans are made to wear another mask.
Ginny says that they've come too far to go back to a long distance relationship, but Sparks says they'll make it work. Ginny points out that frequent teleportation is expensive (and Croach points out, highly pollutant), that much space isn't good for Mercury to travel through, and the space-coach is really slow. Ginny says that the plan will only last until one of them gives up what they want, or they call it quits.
Croach announces that the humans are then required to put on two more masks, and must have a deeper level of conversation.
Charlottey Shraw says she can't wait to see how the situation resolves, but Sparks tells Charlottey that instead she's under arrest. Croach says Charlottey is nearly one of their own, but Charlottey confesses that she's been writing screeds about how humans and martians should be separate -- except for her. To ensure they will be, she set up many bombs all over the picnic. Sparks says that they intercepted all of her screeds, and since they went out via transmission from Earth, she's under arrest by order of the Earth Marshal's office. Shraw attempts to escape, but is immediately apprehended. She attempts to set off her bombs, but Sparks had already diffused them, as he wanted his first act of Marshal of Earth to be saving all his friends on Mars.
Sparks points out that saving the tribe puts the tribe under him, but Croach says that as he was supposed to be there as a participant, but instead worked, there's no onus from the tribe. Sparks insists that he can do both things, work and participate, just like he would with having it all in his life, and thus he intends to fight for Ginny while also being Marshal of Earth.
Ginny tells Sparks that he's deciding a lot of things, but all on his own. She tells Sparks that they should be in it together instead of fighting for there to even be an "us." Ginny says she has a decision to make that Sparks can't help with, and leaves.
- The Red Plains Rider, as well Mordecai and Harriet Jiminy, are all also in attendance at the picnic, though they are spoken of and do not actually appear in the episode.
- The picnic takes place in the Martian Overcity, though most Martians live in the Undercity as seen in The Sad, Sad Song of Widow Johnson, Part Two (SNMOM #2). The Overcity is mostly used for picnics.
- This is the 206th episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The previous episode is TAH Panel from WonderCon.
- The next episode is The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam - Try Triangle Again.
- The previous episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Die Hardware (TAH #202).
- The next podcasted episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars is the out-of-continuity segment of The Thrilling Adventure Hour April Fools' Fun-Around part 1 (TAH #209).
- The next episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Space-ships Passing in the Night (TAH #212).
This episode was recorded at Largo on February 14, 2015 and released on May 5, 2015.