Croach Returns

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Croach Returns is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.


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Detailed Summary

Sparks awakens from another dream where Croach has eaten his guts to see that The Red Plains Rider is gone, only leaving behind a note wherein she says that she doesn't think they are compatible, she hasn't dealt with Croach's death properly, and she plans on trying to get Cactoid Jim back.

As Sparks laments his lack of deputy, Croach walks through the door. Sparks assumes he's having a dream, and gives the usual rundown of what's going on. Croach explains that he has become one with the universe, he possesses awareness of the formations of stars light spans away and of the fall of amoebic societies in Sparks' distasteful organs. He convinces Sparks that this is not a dream.

Sparks is glad to have Croach back, but he declines to give Croach a hug.

Felton enters, handing out flower crowns, excited to have Croach back, and tells Sparks how Croach gave him peace again after all the guilt he felt for MurderManning people. Felton is barefoot and Croach mentions that his feet are beautiful and tells Sparks to remove his boots. Croach says peace, love, beauty and no shoes are but the detritus of his true mission, one of absolute compassion for the entirety of space and time.

Croach asks Sparks to come with him to see the mission he is on, and he, Felton and Sparks travel by Cosmic Rift to Earth. Croach shows Sparks the final speech Cactoid Jim gives before he's elected President of Earth. Croach says that Sparks must assassinate Cactoid Jim, and Sparks is initially very agreeable to the idea.

Croach says because of his death and resurrection, his perception has now expanded to all the teensy corners of the universe. If Jim wins the election, all universes will be set upon a terrible, unchangeable course. His ascendancy will invoke the OmniSingularity. All things will become one intelligence and life as we know it will be forever eradicated. Sparks has been chosen by the universe to prevent the OmniSingularity.

Sparks, now very suspicious, asks Croach to prove he's actually Croach. Croach reminds him how once, at the old mission upon G'loot Praktaw, he and Sparks revealed feet to one another and Sparks stimulated his egg sacs. These events happened The Agony of The Feet, and both had promised to never speak of what happened ever again, thus Croach proves himself. However, Croach reveals he also shares consciousness with V'stalu of the Galaxium.  

Croach says that it's V'stalu that is asking for the assassination. When Sparks asks why V'stalu can't do it himself, Croach says it is not his job to interfere, merely to observe. Except for bringing them here. And telling Sparks to assassinate Cactoid Jim. And telling him why. 

To convince Sparks, Croach shows him a vision of the future if Jim is elected. After seeing the horror, Sparks agrees to assassinate Jim. Croach, however, says he must have a pure spirit before doing so and it must be because of the universe ending, not for his feelings for Red getting in the way. Croach, Felton, and Sparks leave for a tour of Sparks' soul at the end of the episode.


  • The Marshal Station Doors have a male voice in this episode.
  • In the behind the scenes interview with Marc Evan Jackson and Mark Gagliardi, Mark mentions that, in the scene where Sparks keeps pronouncing "Croach" incorrectly, it wasn't written for Felton to jump in and say "Croach" and for Croach to say yes; that was improvised by Craig Cackowski on the spot.



This episode was recorded at Largo on October 13, 2012 and released March 4, 2013.

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