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Austen Translation is an episode of The Cross-Time Adventures of Colonel Tick-Tock.



WorkJuice Players

Guest Stars


Tick-Tock surprises his wife Constance by showing up for dinner. After a few servings of lemon trifle, Constance leaves to play Hoop and Stick. Tick-Tock is aghast to learn that Constance has a social life outside of him. Tick-Tock, disappointed to not spend time with his wife, attempts to stop Constance from leaving, but she leaves anyway. Queen Victoria's image then arrives through Trick Clock. Trick-Clock laments at Constance's new autonomous status before Queen Victoria tells Tick-Tock that the Greenwich Meanie has tricked Jane Austen into falling in love with him, and they have gotten engaged. Tick-Tock must stop Jane Austen from falling in love, else she'll never write her most famous works.

In Austen-times, Austen and the Greenwich Meanie speak sweetly to each other, though Austen takes his 26th century cockney rhyming slang accent as poetry. Tick-Tock arrives and reveals the Meanie's true identity and plan, but Austen is loathe to believe him. Trick Clock tells Tick-Tock that the Meanie cannot be removed from Austen's timeline if they're still in love. Austen instead tells Tick-Tock that she dislikes him very much, and he says the same. Trick Clock then notes that they're now stuck in the beginning of a will-they-or-won't-they. Tick-Tock says it's impossible that they have that kind of chemistry because he's married. That's why.

Tick-Tock gets the Meanie to reveal his true plan by using Trick Click's translation device to reveal what the Meanie is actually saying. Austen is appalled at the Meanie's plan and its possibilities. She then agrees she could never marry such a person as the Meanie, and rejects him completely as Tick-Tock sends him back to the 26th Century. Austen and Tick-Tock reconcile and Austen attempts to still seduce Tick-Tock, but he deflects. They agree to be friends, instead. Austen attempts instead to woo Trick-Clock, but after Tick-Tock reminds him he's just a pocketwatch, he, too, turns down Austen. The pair return home.


  • This is the first appearance or even mention of Constance since The Wilde Party (TAH #73)
  • The Greenwich Meanie was previously last seen in Hey Caesar! (TAH #100), though he has been spoken of often.
  • It's unknown exactly where in the life of Colonel Tick-Tock this episode falls, temporally speaking.
  • Carla Cackowski has previously guest starred on The Thrilling Adventure Hour in Beyond Belief - Dead & Breakfast, as well as guest-starred during other TAH Down Under shows which are as-of-yet unreleased.



  • Written by: Carla Cackowski